At the beginning of the year I made some promises to myself. Made a list of what I wanted to accomplish the next couple of years. I dealt with a major issue with my finances first, and then on the 1st of March started to work on the rest. I’ve broken it down in to three month lots, and stuck reminders up around my apartment.

I was staring at them this morning, and realised I’d not only already completed a couple of them, I was well on the way to most of the others. Plus 60% of the optional ones I set for myself are also done.

Main Goals were:

• 10kg Weight Loss
• One education cert
• Exercise 4 days per week
• Save $2000
• Sort out mental health
• Sort out apartment

- As of this morning I’m 9kg down, and 2.5 weeks to go. I didn’t realise cause i don’t really jump on the scales any more.
- Booked certification exam for next week
- Exercising regularly now, and loving it.
- Savings isn’t happening yet, as I needed to sort some other things out first.
- Been on a retreat, and getting some help (yes I’m not too proud to admit I needed it)
- The list of things (that didn’t involve money) that I want to do to the apartment are about 90% finished.

So I’m sitting here today, pretty damn smug and proud of myself.

Now to work out the next 3 months goals

I’m feeling a bit nostalgic at the moment. It’s been a tough year for me. I’m hoping 2010 will bring some new, exciting and good things. I’ve had a lot of fun, my health has been a bit dodgy, and I had a long term relationship go down the drain when I wasn’t looking. I travelled overseas for my brothers wedding, met some amazing new people, and realised that my life back at home wasn’t that great.

So I end the year single, still struggling with my health, and contemplating/making some very big changes in my life. Some have already happened, some are in the pot cooking away waiting to happen early in the new year. The big thing is, I’m making decisions and going through with them. Not just sitting back hoping things will get better. I’ve had that attitude for too long. I have no idea how I expected things to get better if i wasn’t changing myself.

Full of great ideas, that never happened, cause I was too lazy, stubborn, or caught up in the every day existence to put any effort towards them. So things stay the same. Not any more.

I’m in Wollongong today ready for a family Christmas. I’m actually looking forward to it this year, as it’s Riley’s first one (my brother & his wife has a baby boy this year) and want to see the look on his face. I’m also looking forward to seeing all my old school friends on boxing day.

So…

MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all. I hope all your hopes and dreams are fulfilled this holiday season, and if they aren’t that you are moving towards them.

The one thing we are all to rejoice in, is ‘we are still here’. Any day above ground is a good day.

hugs

Adz

I know I’m not unique in what I’m about to talk about. Plenty of people have been in the same position that I’m in now. Realising that the life you wanted, is nothing like the life you currently have. I always expected to have things more together, have more of clue where I’m heading or what I want to be.

Lets have a quick summary of where I am.

• My friends all think I am a nice guy, my issue is I don’t believe it myself.
• Just come out of another failed relationship caused by my own self loathing, and ability to believe in myself.
• I’m lacking in self confidence.
• I’m trying to recover from a life threatening illness.
• I’m morbidly obese (it even sounds awful)
• I’m a type 2 diabetic.
• I’m stressed all the time.
• I worry more about the world around me, my friends etc, more than I do about myself.
• All the things above are killing me, and are all related.

So what am I going to do about it.

Well that’s the open book at the moment. I’ve decided its time to take things a bit more seriously.

• Concentrate on fixing the things that are hurting me today.
  • Diabetes under control
  • Get more sleep
  • Lower the level of stress in my life
  • Spend more time and contact with the people that love me
  • Getting better organised
  • Get help from people that have been there before.
• Start a future life plan of where i want to be in 1 years, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years.
• Hope for the best, plan for the realistic.
• Smile, laugh, and ultimately enjoy my own company.

It’s time to pull away from the black dog, and get back in the game of living. Cause right now I know one thing, I’m not happy and that is no way to live.