Good ‘ole music. How I love thee. Well let’s go one step further, I couldn’t imagine my existence without some kind of music. It’s my passion beyond all else. It has been my friend, my companion, my jealous lover, my sworn enemy, and the emo kid that wants me to cut myself along side of them.

Let me explain. My earliest memories in life are of music. Songs coming across the radio while my mum was trying to get me to go to sleep. It is such an integral part of my existence & my life would be empty without it.

I’m one of these people that has a song attached to every moment in that happens in my life, whether it be good or bad. It can lift my mood into ecstasy, or make me feel so dark I’m almost suicidal. It’s has such a pure emotional affect on me, and I’d be saddened with out it.

For example:

Every time I hear this I can’t wipe the grin off my face. It reminds me of all the great holidays I’ve been on all at once, and also a dance party I went to several years ago. I’m there back in the moment, it’s a reliving experience that is so real in my mind that I can remember what I was thinking, feeling, smelling and experiencing. I get such a wave of emotion that’s hard to explain.

Where this can knock me right through the floor. Make me feel terrible. It reminds me of the first person I feel in love with. Who ended up dying. It does the complete opposite. Can make my mood so dark and brooding, and make me cry like a baby.

So why am I writing about this now.

I’ve found I can pick my mood up almost instantly by picking the right music. I can lift myself to the heavens, remind myself of good friends, of the special people that move in and out of my life. All through music. I don’t need alcohol, i don’t need other enhancements, I can lift my mood higher, and for longer than any artificial stimulate ever could.

It’s been a big part of my revival this year. I’ve removed people from my life that suck my life energy out, that don’t have anything positive to add. I get lonely, but I’m more productive than I’ve ever been. I am totally focused on what I need to do, and what I’m setting out to achieve, and it’s doing wonders for my confidence, and self esteem. I value the friendships I have, and those that have gone. They all played their part on getting to where I am today.

So come along, and create some new tunes for me to remember life by! Life is music, music is life. I can’t tell the difference anymore, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

About 5 years ago, my car was stolen. At the time I wasn’t even that upset about it. It ended up about 1km from my place, in a duck pond in a large reserve. I thought it was quite amusing at the time. I didn’t end up replacing the car as I need the insurance money for something else, and I also live in the inner city which I could get by without one.

The only times I get to drive is someone else lets me drive their car, or I hire one.

One thing I notice is when I’m a passenger, I’m a pain the arse. I road rage. I don’t even know why. It’s not like it has anything do with me. I end up wanting to scream at people doing stupid shit. I even find I want to do it when I’m in a taxi.

Put me at the wheel of a car, and I’m happy. I have no idea why. I don’t get angry, I’m patient and considerate of other road users, and quite honestly, I have a ball when I’m behind the wheel. Fast forward to yesterday. Decided on Saturday that I wanted to get out of the city for a bit of a break. Queue David, and his car. David arrives, I have my camera in tow, and I just grab the keys.

Ended up blasting up the bells line of road, stopped at Mount Tomah Botanical Gardens, wow what a great place (photo’s and another entry soon). Then on the way to Lithgow, then back down the Great Western Highway via my favorite bakery at Wentworth Falls.

I just loved being behind the wheel, although sometimes I allegedly went faster than I should of been, but I had a great time. It was very hard wiping the smile off my face. It’s the part I miss the most. I don’t miss traffic jams, city driving or any crap like that. It’s the blasting off into some mountain pass, tipping into a twisty winding road, changing gears, and feeling the cars power, there is something very primal in the way it makes me feel.

It’s one of those pure pleasure’s in life that I have, and I really have to do more of it.

I’m feeling a bit nostalgic at the moment. It’s been a tough year for me. I’m hoping 2010 will bring some new, exciting and good things. I’ve had a lot of fun, my health has been a bit dodgy, and I had a long term relationship go down the drain when I wasn’t looking. I travelled overseas for my brothers wedding, met some amazing new people, and realised that my life back at home wasn’t that great.

So I end the year single, still struggling with my health, and contemplating/making some very big changes in my life. Some have already happened, some are in the pot cooking away waiting to happen early in the new year. The big thing is, I’m making decisions and going through with them. Not just sitting back hoping things will get better. I’ve had that attitude for too long. I have no idea how I expected things to get better if i wasn’t changing myself.

Full of great ideas, that never happened, cause I was too lazy, stubborn, or caught up in the every day existence to put any effort towards them. So things stay the same. Not any more.

I’m in Wollongong today ready for a family Christmas. I’m actually looking forward to it this year, as it’s Riley’s first one (my brother & his wife has a baby boy this year) and want to see the look on his face. I’m also looking forward to seeing all my old school friends on boxing day.

So…

MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all. I hope all your hopes and dreams are fulfilled this holiday season, and if they aren’t that you are moving towards them.

The one thing we are all to rejoice in, is ‘we are still here’. Any day above ground is a good day.

hugs

Adz