About 5 weeks ago I had reached a point in my own improvement plan where I wasn’t happy. I felt stagnant, and nothing seem to be going my way. I was just plain grumpy!

I decided that I needed more drastic changes in my health and fitness. One of the biggest problems I was having was I was hungry all the damn time. I try to lose weight and the cravings for food are so intense that I was distracted from anything else.

So I decided to speak to my endo. I’m a type 2 diabetic, and it had been a little while since I’ve seen my endo. So went and saw him. Lucky for me he is also a fitness nut, so I explained what was going on, and he suggested that I was now ready to try something more drastic. He wasn’t sure of my commitment up till now, and I could see he was still skeptical.

Basically he told me. If you do as I tell you to do, you won’t be hungry, your energy levels will be better, you will loose weight, and put on some lean muscle mass. If you are willing to put the effort in, I will help you.

He now has me eating 5 times a day. Doing 3 weight sessions a week, and interval training on 2 other days.

So what has happened. Well in the last 3 weeks, I’ve lost 7kg over all, 2% body fat, 3 notches on my belt, I’m never hungry, and the uncontrollable cravings I was once getting have now stopped. I feel renewed.

Conversation on Saturday went something like this.

‘What would you like to achieve?’,'I just want to be fitter, more energy, and be able to buy the clothes i like’.

‘No I mean something real, and tangible,’Well, I’ve always wanted abs. LOL’.

‘Well there you go, something real and tangible. You can do it if you really want to. And the commitment I’ve seen over the last few weeks, I really believe you can’,'really?’.

‘Yeah. I will help you all the way if you want!’,'Why the fuck not, lets do it!’

So lets see how I go. I haven’t been this motivated in a very long time, and fuck it feels good.

Well I’ve started exercising more. At the moment it’s not really rocket science, seeing I’m so far overweight any extra movement will undoubtedly result in my losing some weight.

I’m starting to feel a little better. I’m consistently doing 10,000 or so steps per day, and in a month I’m going to ramp that up even more.  The only problems I’ve come across is chaffing. So this weekend going to look for some compression shorts or cycle shorts to help out in that regard. I’m in a fair bit of pain at the moment, and want it to stop.

Waist : 159 cm
Hips :  127 cm
Chest : 144 cm
Weight : 162 kg
Morning BGL : 9.8 (mmol/dl)

I know I’m not unique in what I’m about to talk about. Plenty of people have been in the same position that I’m in now. Realising that the life you wanted, is nothing like the life you currently have. I always expected to have things more together, have more of clue where I’m heading or what I want to be.

Lets have a quick summary of where I am.

• My friends all think I am a nice guy, my issue is I don’t believe it myself.
• Just come out of another failed relationship caused by my own self loathing, and ability to believe in myself.
• I’m lacking in self confidence.
• I’m trying to recover from a life threatening illness.
• I’m morbidly obese (it even sounds awful)
• I’m a type 2 diabetic.
• I’m stressed all the time.
• I worry more about the world around me, my friends etc, more than I do about myself.
• All the things above are killing me, and are all related.

So what am I going to do about it.

Well that’s the open book at the moment. I’ve decided its time to take things a bit more seriously.

• Concentrate on fixing the things that are hurting me today.
  • Diabetes under control
  • Get more sleep
  • Lower the level of stress in my life
  • Spend more time and contact with the people that love me
  • Getting better organised
  • Get help from people that have been there before.
• Start a future life plan of where i want to be in 1 years, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years.
• Hope for the best, plan for the realistic.
• Smile, laugh, and ultimately enjoy my own company.

It’s time to pull away from the black dog, and get back in the game of living. Cause right now I know one thing, I’m not happy and that is no way to live.