Good ‘ole music. How I love thee. Well let’s go one step further, I couldn’t imagine my existence without some kind of music. It’s my passion beyond all else. It has been my friend, my companion, my jealous lover, my sworn enemy, and the emo kid that wants me to cut myself along side of them.

Let me explain. My earliest memories in life are of music. Songs coming across the radio while my mum was trying to get me to go to sleep. It is such an integral part of my existence & my life would be empty without it.

I’m one of these people that has a song attached to every moment in that happens in my life, whether it be good or bad. It can lift my mood into ecstasy, or make me feel so dark I’m almost suicidal. It’s has such a pure emotional affect on me, and I’d be saddened with out it.

For example:

Every time I hear this I can’t wipe the grin off my face. It reminds me of all the great holidays I’ve been on all at once, and also a dance party I went to several years ago. I’m there back in the moment, it’s a reliving experience that is so real in my mind that I can remember what I was thinking, feeling, smelling and experiencing. I get such a wave of emotion that’s hard to explain.

Where this can knock me right through the floor. Make me feel terrible. It reminds me of the first person I feel in love with. Who ended up dying. It does the complete opposite. Can make my mood so dark and brooding, and make me cry like a baby.

So why am I writing about this now.

I’ve found I can pick my mood up almost instantly by picking the right music. I can lift myself to the heavens, remind myself of good friends, of the special people that move in and out of my life. All through music. I don’t need alcohol, i don’t need other enhancements, I can lift my mood higher, and for longer than any artificial stimulate ever could.

It’s been a big part of my revival this year. I’ve removed people from my life that suck my life energy out, that don’t have anything positive to add. I get lonely, but I’m more productive than I’ve ever been. I am totally focused on what I need to do, and what I’m setting out to achieve, and it’s doing wonders for my confidence, and self esteem. I value the friendships I have, and those that have gone. They all played their part on getting to where I am today.

So come along, and create some new tunes for me to remember life by! Life is music, music is life. I can’t tell the difference anymore, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I’ve just completed 4 weeks of personal training. The differences are pretty damn amazing. I think the biggest thing for me, is the food that I’m eating.

The cravings are gone, I’m never hungry, and it’s a way I could eat permanently. I’ve removed just about all processed food from my diet. I’ve stopped eating bread, and grains/pasta/rice I’ve severely limited. I get most of my carbs from vegetables and fruit. There are a lot of other changes, but I won’t go into them all here. As a consequence my blood sugar has stabilised, and my doctor is actually starting to decrease my diabetes medication.

I have a lot more energy, and I’ve actually droped a couple of notches on my belt. I’m in a better mood all around, and finding that my down times are more productive. I suppose it helps I’ve put everything else on the back burner other than health and fitness right now.

So here is the cold hard numbers.

In 4 weeks:

• Lost 9.1 kg
• Lost 3.2 % body fat

I’m recovering from exercise faster, and actually look forward to exercising. Love the rush afterwards.

About 5 weeks ago I had reached a point in my own improvement plan where I wasn’t happy. I felt stagnant, and nothing seem to be going my way. I was just plain grumpy!

I decided that I needed more drastic changes in my health and fitness. One of the biggest problems I was having was I was hungry all the damn time. I try to lose weight and the cravings for food are so intense that I was distracted from anything else.

So I decided to speak to my endo. I’m a type 2 diabetic, and it had been a little while since I’ve seen my endo. So went and saw him. Lucky for me he is also a fitness nut, so I explained what was going on, and he suggested that I was now ready to try something more drastic. He wasn’t sure of my commitment up till now, and I could see he was still skeptical.

Basically he told me. If you do as I tell you to do, you won’t be hungry, your energy levels will be better, you will loose weight, and put on some lean muscle mass. If you are willing to put the effort in, I will help you.

He now has me eating 5 times a day. Doing 3 weight sessions a week, and interval training on 2 other days.

So what has happened. Well in the last 3 weeks, I’ve lost 7kg over all, 2% body fat, 3 notches on my belt, I’m never hungry, and the uncontrollable cravings I was once getting have now stopped. I feel renewed.

Conversation on Saturday went something like this.

‘What would you like to achieve?’,'I just want to be fitter, more energy, and be able to buy the clothes i like’.

‘No I mean something real, and tangible,’Well, I’ve always wanted abs. LOL’.

‘Well there you go, something real and tangible. You can do it if you really want to. And the commitment I’ve seen over the last few weeks, I really believe you can’,'really?’.

‘Yeah. I will help you all the way if you want!’,'Why the fuck not, lets do it!’

So lets see how I go. I haven’t been this motivated in a very long time, and fuck it feels good.

Not that good quality, as I took them with my point and shoot. But it was too good to miss! Wild Cockatoos letting us hand feed them on the back deck of my parents place.

Back in January my 7th Xbox gave up the ghost, and sat there. Those rotten 3 red lights bringing my gaming to an abrupt end. I was finally out of warranty, and there was no way I was going to get a free one out of this. Tried as I may, I sent it out to be fixed. The guy I took it too, just shook his head. ‘Mate there is nothing we can do for you’. The heat sink paste was now a powder, and the area around the gpu was a nice toasty black. So it was dead and buried.

I decided against replacing it. I was going through some big changes, and didn’t want the distraction. I told myself I would get a new one, once I finished sorting out my place. Well that happened. I now have a nice shinny new slimmer Xbox. The new one looks so sexy. It’s glossy black, sitting silently, begging to be touched and played with. Ok maybe I should get a room now.

I didn’t realise how much I missed playing games. It’s awesome to have it back.

All of a sudden, out of the blue my TIVO has decided of its own that it didn’t like what I was recording. Maybe it was one too many documentaries, or boring tech shows, or maybe the formula one. I sat down on monday night to see what there was to watch.

Low and behold, there is 4 episodes of Baywatch for me to watch. LIKE WTF??! I’ve never watched baywatch in my life. I’m not sure what pattern of events that TIVO has noticed on what shows I like to do this. Up until now it has been spot on with it’s choices.

I have a feeling my TIVO has the soul of teenage boy, and was so totally frustrated with my program choices, and this is the result.

What a weird couple of weeks. There seems to be this really nasty cold/bronchitis doing the rounds at the moment. And this time I didn’t escape it. I haven’t been this sick due to a cold in a very long time. I don’t think there was any part of my body that didn’t ache.

I’ve just finished at the doctors, and everything seems to be going ok. My cough is no longer hurting my throat, I have my energy levels back this morning, and I’m sleeping again. My back and stomach were so sore from coughing all the time which made it very uncomfortable to sit down for any length of time.

So today I’m feeling great, and motivated.

Now the point of this post. I found it so very easy to slide back into old habit’s when you aren’t feeling well. I’ve had a few problems to say the least over the earlier part of my life.

“Ok” so you say, “who hasn’t.”

Some of us learn from those challengers, others of us end up on the merry-go-round and repeat them time after time. Most of these problems stem from an event or chain event when we were children. I had quite a few of those events. When I decided to make changes to my life this year, I’ve kept a very open mind as to what I’m feeling, and what has been going on internally. It has lead me down a path of self discovery and horror at times.

My decent back down into hell this week, has been very different because I’m approaching it with an open mind. I could see why I was doing it, but I still sat back as an observer, and it was hard not to try and take any intervention. Part of me was happy, and satisfied that I was going back down this awful path again. Like it had one not just the battle but the war. It was very disturbing.

This is where it gets strange and hippy. There through all of this was a very stubborn and scared little child. It was me from my childhood. The one that was continually told the world is scary, and should not be trusted at any cost. You will be hurt. There are no positive outcomes, only degrees of pain. It was scared of all the changes I was making, and he needs to know what he can be safe without being so afraid.

So now my focus will be on making myself feel safe. To make my body feel safe, and to integrate this child back into my personality.  It has a very dark edge to it, and I’ve been terrified of the way it makes me feel for a long time. It’s fears aren’t rational, they are the fears a child has, and should of been taken care of a long time ago.  If I ignore it, it won’t go away, but it will continue to sabotage any plans I have for myself.

I won’t continue to lose weight, I won’t continue to get fitter, while it’s the one calling the shorts.

The turmoil that it is creating within me right now is really intense, and  I’ve said things to people over the weekend that I really regret. It was the child talking, and acting, and not the person I’m becoming. The one I’m immensely proud of. So to those I may have hurt over the weekend. I’m sorry.

More memories from the past. It’s weird looking at my old photos as I’ve been adding them to the gallery. Bringing back mixed emotions in so many ways. It was fun, but it is also gone.

2005 Dec : NYE Sydney Harbour

New Years Eve at a Friend place right on the Harbour. This was one of the more eventful ones to say the least :)

44 Photos

2005 Oct : Motor Show

2005 Sydney Motorshow. The prototype of the Veron was there. Hmmm :)

19 Photos

2005 Sep : Boston & Newport News

Part of my work trip to the US. Next Stop Boston, then followed by Newport News.

28 Photos

2005 Sep : San Francisco

Was sent to the US for 3 1/2 weeks for training. This was my weekend in San Francisco.

26 Photos

2005 Jul : Blue Mountains

This was two trips to the Blue Mountains. It was a lot of fun.

26 Photos

2005 Feb : Surfers Paradise

Went surfers with some good friends, and went around all the fun parks. Man I was so damn tired by the end of it all.

35 Photos

At the beginning of the year I made some promises to myself. Made a list of what I wanted to accomplish the next couple of years. I dealt with a major issue with my finances first, and then on the 1st of March started to work on the rest. I’ve broken it down in to three month lots, and stuck reminders up around my apartment.

I was staring at them this morning, and realised I’d not only already completed a couple of them, I was well on the way to most of the others. Plus 60% of the optional ones I set for myself are also done.

Main Goals were:

• 10kg Weight Loss
• One education cert
• Exercise 4 days per week
• Save $2000
• Sort out mental health
• Sort out apartment

- As of this morning I’m 9kg down, and 2.5 weeks to go. I didn’t realise cause i don’t really jump on the scales any more.
- Booked certification exam for next week
- Exercising regularly now, and loving it.
- Savings isn’t happening yet, as I needed to sort some other things out first.
- Been on a retreat, and getting some help (yes I’m not too proud to admit I needed it)
- The list of things (that didn’t involve money) that I want to do to the apartment are about 90% finished.

So I’m sitting here today, pretty damn smug and proud of myself.

Now to work out the next 3 months goals

I’m in the process of loading up some of my older photos. I’ve started with 2007 they were already pre-sorted. I will be adding the rest over the next couple of weeks.

So enjoy

2007 Nov : Sculpture by the Sea

Sculpture by the sea is held each year on the Coastal Walk south of Bondi Beach. It's pretty cool.

12 Photos

2007 Aug : Christchurch NZ & Surrounds

Went on a holiday to Christchurch with a friend of mine. Visited Mount Hutt, and other places around as well.

56 Photos

2007 Aug : Byron Bay after Splendour

Checking out Byron after Splendour in the Grass Music festival

27 Photos

2007 May : Sydney Park, St Peters

Took some photos at Sunset in Sydney Park.

11 Photos

2007 May : South Head Sydney Harbour

Wandering around South Head

12 Photos

2007 Mar : Royal National Park

Drive through the national park, and down to the oversea bridge.

29 Photos

2007 Mar : Bulli Tops Lookout

View of Wollongong from Bulli Tops

6 Photos