I’ve been struggling again the last few weeks. I’ve gotten to the point on this journey of discovery, where you start to realise how tough some of the changes are. So many things we do are automatic, and we have done things a certain way for so long, we can’t even remember why we were doing it that way to start with.
The best way to describe it is, my brain is screaming out ‘stop’ at the top of it’s lungs. You are moving too fast, or do you really want to do this. You know deep down that the changes you making are for your own well being in the long run, where the status quo (i’ll call it the 8 year old child) goes why the hell do we need to change anything.
It has gotten so bad recently that it is keeping me awake at night, which is affecting my ability to think straight, or do the things I want to do. I’ve also been wrestling with some demons from my past. Things so deeply disturbing from my childhood, that it has affected every decision in my adult life. Now that it has come to light, I’m finding it frustrating to see the damage that certain events can have on the way you approach situations in you life. I’ve been shaking my head in disbelief with a lot of it.
So where to from here? I keep putting one foot in front of the other. There will be setbacks, and that’s all part of this journey. It is however time to start putting some focus on things I enjoy, as well as the things that help me grow.
Most important thing right now is to be getting plenty of rest, and sleep. So it’s going to my focus for the next little while.
